Blaring Noises

How come I feel like im being lied to by people I want to date?

I was having a pretty relaxing week until I see on Facebook that the ex I was falling in love with is now “in a relationship.”

Keep in mind she told me she didn’t want one, with anyone, for a long while. And a month later, she is now “in a relationship.” What the fuck is up with that? Just lie to me for three months, will you?

Motherfucker.

It must be an emotional night tonight.

I miss my ex. I really do. I am sure this feeling will go away pretty soon. But damn, right now, do I ever miss her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-8Ot62Ns8M

“I said, maybe if I leave, you’ll want me
To come back home”

This weekend I am visiting Atlanta in order to see my mother, step-father and brother. Frazier (my brother) is turning 19 and I plan on visiting Six Flags over Georgia on Sunday. It will be my first theme park visit of the year and I am looking forward to riding Goliath for the first time in a few years. Goliath is one of my favorite coasters on the planet so every time I visit the park is a special time. I can’t say it is one of my favorite theme parks, however. That honor goes to Holiday World in Santa Claus, Indiana. Free soda, a full waterpark included with admission and good, cheap food. Everyone should visit there once. Holiday World has three amazing wooden coasters. One of them, The Legend, is so tall, long and fast you can’t ride it more than twice in a row without having to sit on a park bench and catch your breath. If only it were closer to South Carolina.

This trip should be a nice mini-vacation from Florence, work and the other parts of my life. Sometimes it is just good to get away from people and be with family, or at least be in a place that is different from normal surroundings. Lawrenceville, GA is a nice little suburb of Atlanta. I could live in that area one day. It is on a few of my places to live “list.” Here is to a nice and relaxing weekend.

Yesterday I stated that I would not be giving a fuck about certain issues anymore.

Story:

Last night, I eat Outback with my roommate and his parents. Fine.

I go home and get a text message stating “I will talk to you when I get out of a meeting.” Fine.

She calls me up two hours later.

“Ford, I did a bad thing.”

Me: “What did you do?”

“I dont want to say.”

Me: “What the fuck did you do?”

“I slept with my ex. It is your fault. You are the one who made me so horny.”

Me: “You are a slut who has yet to get your shit together. Talk to me when you do.”

I hang up, have a drink, smoke a cigarette, then fall asleep, not worrying about a thing.

Things are looking up.

“Check Out Crystal ****** On FB. Shes Single, Lives In Manning…I Used To Fuck Her Mommy, Judi ****** ******. Shes on FB & Friend!
Get A Life Fag!
Your Loving Father”

-Via Facebook.

I kind of want to scream.

Maybe just drive somewhere out of state and sit somewhere and clear my head.

I am not the type of person to define myself by my relationships with women. I do feel at the present time I would like to enter a serious, long-term relationship with someone. A relationship, perhaps, that will lead to some sort of lifetime commitment. In that aspect of my current dating experience, if I were a Professor, I would grade myself far below average. D.

I have always thought of myself as the type of guy who, if courteous and interesting, would manage to date someone for a fairly consistent amount of time. This has not been the case. What I have ended up with, for whatever reason, is the ability to find someone who is either strange/weird or so confused as to what they want, it ends up disastrous in the long-term.

The last few relationships have done as follows:

1. Friends for years. Randomly see each other at bar. Sex that night. Months later, she tells me she loves me. A month later, puts online dating profiles up before we even break up. Doesn’t speak to me for 2 weeks. Then breaks up with me online.

2. We meet, things go well. She has strange preferences about food and everything else. Turns out to be a pure country redneck who I have nothing in common with. Turns out to be a complete bitch.

3. Meet her in Sumter. Interviewed me in The Item newspaper. Things were incredible. Beautiful woman, beautiful smile, beautiful taste in everything life. I quickly started falling for her. Took her to the beach on Valentines Day. Wrote her a sweet letter of how much I wanted her. Read her Pablo Neruda.

Then I was rejected because she didnt want to be in a relationship with anyone, and wanted to date other people. See, she liked me as a relationship material, but wasn’t in “that position.”

Currently:

1. I have been out on 5 dates with a woman who wont even sit beside me on a couch to watch a movie, or even give me a kiss. This is rather confusing.

2. I have been out with someone else, who, while likes me “so damn much,” refuses to tell her ex to stop hanging out at her place all the time, because, “I don’t want to hurt him.” And the woman is 42. Are we in high school?

Do you see the shit I have to put up with? I never thought I would go through this amount of bullshit.

And to think only 3 years ago I had the perfect woman.

I should know better than to search for love rather than let it take hold. But a man has to spend his days somehow. I am a romantic. I love to give love.

Man. I need a hiking fix.

Hello.

My name is Ford. I am a person. When I am not a person, I am a Librarian. No, I don’t fucking shelve books and tell people to shut the Hell up. I do much more than that, none of which I care to discuss in this post because this is an introduction and I do not wish to bore you to tears with inane ramblings of computer literacy and inter-library politicking.

I am a Tree. Well, no, not really. Robert Pollard of Guided by Voices sang that in a song called “I am a Tree”. The term just sounds good. I could not ever be a tree. Who wants to stand still that long and let animals crawl all over my skin? Only a fetishist, that is who. Fucking Furries.

I love music. That was a true statement. My favorite band is Wilco. Always and forever. There is something so seemingly Earthy and timeless about the music. I never get tired of hearing “Handshake Drugs,” “Via Chicago,” or “Side With The Seeds.” It is my goal to see them in concert. I have two Wilco concert DVD’s, so at least I have seen the next best thing.

My other favorite bands and artists include My Morning Jacket, Josh Rouse, R.E.M., Kathleen Edwards, yadda, yadda, yadda. Too many to name.

I have caused some trouble.

I would like to think I am far better now.

Till then,

Ford.